Is anyone else suffering from temporary anxiety? Like the weight of the world is squarely on your shoulders?
Like any minute now, a giant Kraken will come up from Middle Earth and swallow you whole?
Thankfully, Krakens don't come from Middle Earth, so I think we're okay. But that doesn't take the anxious feeling away.
Personally, I'm thinking about the elections, as I'm sure many of you out there are. I'm also thinking about my children's futures. Their education. Feeding them whole clean food in between the random pizzas and Halloween candy binges. I worry about gas prices and how much it will cost to do my errands every week. I worry about my husband's company and the industry as a whole. And now, we're under a red flag fire warning. The Santa Anas (aka Santana, aka Devil Winds) whip through Southern California every year, sucking all the moisture away from our trees and brush, making our beautiful part of the world a dangerous tinder box. I watch the kites hanging in my yard for signs of those Devil Winds and run our escape plan through my head, shaving off unnecessary moves in each rendition. I have a list in my mind of the few items that I have to grab (the chickens and the dog in their respective crates, water, compact solar generator, my husband's guitar, Mac, MacBook, phone, and purse/wallet) before getting my family safely into the Land Cruiser and out of danger, should fires come towards our home. I worry that I'm going to panic and forget it all, so I'm actually considering just packing it all in the back of the truck now, just in case. Reading accounts from friends back east dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy has reminded me that Mother Nature is a bitch that demands respect. The only defense against disaster is to prepare for the worst.
And the worst is all I can think of right now.
By now, you probably think I'm nuts. You may be right. Or you might be feeling just as nutty as me and you're shaking your head while you reach for the Xanax. My feelings of helplessness are usually temporary and typically come with big events, like elections, so I'm hoping that things will go back to normal soon.
Because I can't get SHIT done!
There are so many things I should be doing. Productive things. Things that pay bills. But I can't seem to get to any of them because I'm feeling so damn anxious about life! I wake up in the middle of the night, heart racing, panicking over things that are out of my control. Then, I can't get back to sleep, and I'm a zombie half the day. All I can do to get back to center is practice some deep breathing and do some vinyasa flow to get out of my own head.
I'm hoping that by the end of the week, there will be some lightening of this feeling and accepting of whatever outcome of this election. I know what I want to have happen, but whoever wins, there is still so much uncertainty to fret about. I'm hoping, we get through the fire season unscathed and I won't have to regret not making room for all of my husband's LP's in the escape plan.
Then maybe... if the anxiety goes away... maybe I'll be able to get some work done to pay for tuition and five dollar gas.
Or maybe the anxiety is here to stay.
If that's the case, I'm gonna need some of that Xanax.