There is a saboteur in my life. He attempts to steal my peace as I move towards a life of harmony.
He almost had me again this week...
I hit a wall yesterday. After days of taking it, I finally just felt so damn tired. He keeps etching away at the little I have been promised. He is rewriting the past, erasing his obligations and pointing at me for all that is unfolding. I remember all the times he pointed at others when telling me his stories... excuses... lies. After a while, I stopped believing him. Stopped believing in him. I simply nodded in agreement, because to disagree would mean days of turmoil. His pattern became predictable... and sad.
As usual, whenever I am at that point in my life where I wonder if I'm doing the right things, taking the best steps, my resting heart and quieted mind give me the answers in the middle of the night. Last night, I dreamed I was sitting at a beautiful piano. My daughter asked me to play. I said, I think I know one song...
And then my fingers took over... and I began to play the most beautiful music... totally harmonious.
And as usual, I woke up to find the meaning of this dream:
To dream that you are playing a piano indicates a quest for harmony in your life. To dream that you hear the sound of the piano suggests harmony in your life. You are pleased with the way your life is going.
I am pleased. Most definitely. But as I told a friend of mine today, my peace is being disturbed. Then I think, wait a minute... I'm letting him disturb my peace. There's no reason for that! I mean, I have law and reason on my side. Whatever he thinks he can do will all be undone by right. And all that he has done will be part of the record. The only peace that's being disturbed is ultimately his own.
After all that heavy thinking, I needed a laugh. My mind was still on pianos, and the only pianist that came to mind was Dudley Moore. Funny and totally appropriate. See, just this week, a friend of mine told me to stop using his name anymore. She suggested "Dudley".
Here he is doing Heiner's poem, Saboteur: