This week, as part of my introspective mood, I'm joining The SITS Girls for their #Back2Blogging series. It's five days of reconnecting to the WHY in our blogging. Our assignment for Day 1 was to repost our first post ever. Considering I deleted my first two blogs, I had to repost from the one that survived.
Living - In Theory
The header image had huge significance for me. The two little girls are really the same. See how they are drawing in the missing pieces? Just like the two sides of my life, who I was and who I wanted to be, coming together to be the whole and complete "me." That blog was where I spent many tearful nights. It's where I made so many wonderful friends. It's where I learned to live... for real.
I called it Living - In Theory because it dawned on me one day that nobody I knew was really living, myself included. We were all pretty much going through the motions. Wake up, make breakfast, take the kids to school, then it was dinner, back to bed, and repeat the next day. Not only had my dreams been lost to this mind numbing existence, but my personality had been zapped trying to fit in, pretending it didn't bother me that we were not doing anything amazing. I challenged myself to start living life with purpose, even if it meant screwing up and looking silly.
And that happened. Often.
Here is most of my first post, unedited:
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Throughout my entire life, I have fought the urge to be myself. Several times, I was unfortunately victorious. I was successful by societal standards, thereby earning pats on the back from people I didn't like. What was that about? Whenever I started heading down the path of my real persona, I found myself defending my thoughts and desires to those around me. It never dawned on me that I was talking to the wrong people. Rather, I believed I was wrong. So I retreated from my dreams, time and time again, only to be more and more disappointed in life and who I was not becoming.
I'm experiencing a huge paradigm shift right now. Some acquaintances are teasing me about a mid-life crisis, but I just keep saying it's my Awakening. They don't get it. But this time, I get that I'm telling the wrong people. The few that nod and understand are the ones I'm going to gravitate towards. For the first time, I'm trying to be who I really am. I'm writing and photographing from my humble but cute home office. I know I can do this. It's not going to be the lucrative career I left, but it will be a life of my own making. ...
I don't know what life is going to look like in the coming months... that used to startle me awake in the middle of the night back when we were living other people's dreams. Now, I'm positive we are finally living, if just in theory.
I got ONE comment. Thankfully, it was not from my mother.