My dreams are never random. They're always messages. Some days, I wake up grasping for the memories. Other days, they come back to me in vivid detail. This morning, I had one of those dreams.
Here's how the dream went:
A friend said we could stay at her mom’s place out in the desert. We parked the RV and went into the house. It was familiar. It’s the house of my dreams. Only this time, all the furniture, if there was any, was covered in white linens. We picked our rooms and then went out to the pool.
The pool was filled with residents and guests. I saw an old friend... I'll call him "John" for the purposes of this post. Truth is, I could have called him so many of my old friends' names. They all have similar traits. I started floating and chatting with him and, as usual, he wanted to tell me all his problems. I remember thinking, "Here we go again." That's when I spotted a guy with a floating regulator. They don't exist in real life, and I don’t know why I called it that, since it looked nothing like an actual scuba regulator, but that’s the word that came to mind in my dream.
I broke from my conversation with John and went over to ask the man if I could borrow it since it looked like he was leaving. He said sure, and then I went back to John, who was annoyed that I stopped him mid-story, so he was getting out of the water to leave. I told him to chill out and gave him a kiss. But then the pool closed, so we all got out and, with little regret, I said goodbye to John.
In dreams, pools represent a desire or washing away of the past. Did John represent all the needy and broken men in my past? Probably. There’s nothing in my dream dictionary about a regulator, but that’s pretty obvious… giving myself the mask to breath. Self-care. Regulate.
I went back to the house and sat at the dining table. Two other ladies were there; one holding a baby. We sat at the table for a while before I realized they had made an actual reservation to stay at the house. That meant that they had dibs on the house and I had to leave. Then I saw the rest of the family. They were moving all of their things in for their vacation. Two nurses were on hand wearing yellow jumpers. They were kinda creepy twins and they did not like that I was there.
“This isn’t your house anymore.”
I gathered my kids (who were suddenly little in my dream) into a room and told them to sit at a table with their snacks and wait. I found the woman in charge and explained the mix up and asked if we could just stay to finish eating and, after that, we'd gather our things and be on our way. She rolled her eyes, but agreed.
The door to the room was cracked open and I could see out to the men in cowboy hats moving all of their things into the other part of the house. They were filling it up with box after box. I saw one that I thought must be the husband. He had a big black hat and Lee jeans on. I always think of cowboys when I see Lee jeans. I guess that’s why he was wearing them. I remember thinking that I wished I had a cowboy husband.
“This isn’t our house anymore,” was all I could tell the kids. We finished our snacks, grabbed our belongings, got back into the RV and drove away.
What's the message?
While that sounds like a sad story, knowing what I know about rooms and houses, I think this might be a good sign. The house represents our psyche. The rooms are all the areas of the psyche or memory. The furniture is all the crap you hold in each of those rooms. When I walked in, everything was covered and put away. Like, yeah, the memories and issues are all still there because they happened, but they’re not in your face and they’re not in the way. When the nurses told me that it wasn’t my house anymore, I felt sadness and a twinge of shame. But now, in my waking moments, I think that they mean this isn’t the life I had anymore.
I didn’t know what nurses represented in a dream, but in looking them up, I found out they symbolize a need to take time out in order to heal mentally, physically, and spiritually. Maybe I need time to heal from the last year and then accept the gift of a new life.
And, according to the same dictionary, cowboys symbolize masculinity, ruggedness, and toughness. I wanted that cowboy, so does that mean that I want a rugged, masculine man or that I want to have more of those traits in my own life? I’ll be honest… I’d love to have a rugged man around half the time. But I’m not so sure I’d want him around ALL of the time.