Mi Familia

Tears are coming to me just trying to put in order what I want to say. 

You see, I have some really crappy memories about my family, and I tend to focus on those a lot in my life. But if I were to write it all out... all of it... I would have to admit that I've been really lucky. 

The story of my family is veiled ever so tenderly with tragedy. Some of the stories are more devastating than others, but we've had some shit go down. Death was a recurring theme in my childhood and on through my young adult life. For this reason, I will shut down when someone close to me is gravely ill. I'm that little girl, sticking her fingers in her ears, not wanting to hear the bad news. I recognize death. I can smell it. I can hear the difference in the ring of the phone. I can see it on your face. 

I don't know if my family knows how strongly all those funerals affected me or why I respond so impatiently when they tell me they have a headache, but those people... they suffer me. As much as I've pissed them off and as much as they've hurt me at times, we all love each other.

Because dysfunction... what are you gonna do, right? 

My family has bailed me out so many times. Once from an actual jail. That was a hoot. But now, when things should be smooth sailing, but they're not, they've shown up without me even asking. I've just come to them in my stress and anxious moments and they've been so amazing. 

Last night, I was stuck at the border, having just crossed over from San Diego. I couldn't reach my husband, and I didn't want to stress my mom out, so I tried to call my uncle in town. No answer. I called my sister in San Francisco, praying she would answer, and she did. My oldest daughter was with her and overheard my situation, so she began texting my cousin to locate my uncle. Bad news... they were both at a concert with my aunt and some of her sisters. My daughter texted my younger kids at home to get a message to my husband. It eventually got worked out, and I got home to frantic messages from my mom. I went to bed exhausted but thankful to be home.

When I thought about yesterday's sticky situation, I realized that my family is the family that hangs out together. Yes, they all rally to help the stupid one that forgot to get cash before going across the border, but they were all together when I tried to reach them. My sister and my daughter. My uncle, aunt, and cousin. My kids and husband. It was Sunday and they were all spending time together. That just struck me as such a good thing. 

So many times, I cursed God and asked him why the hell he put me in this family... Why he had let so many sad and bad things happen... Why didn't he place me with people that loved me?

Oh, Sugar... you really were so simple minded, weren't you? 

God, if you're reading this, please forgive me for my impatience and for not seeing your eternal wisdom and muchisimas gracias for placing me in the best fucked up family I could have ever wished for. 

Amen.