The Streamys video is still being edited. I'm figuring out iMovie while going through two hours of footage.
A little over a year ago, I moved my blogging to this place. Prior to that, I had been writing a blog called Living - In Theory. The reason it was called that was because I felt like I was waking up... day after day... for so many years... just going through the motions. I'd wake up, have some coffee, and then all of the sudden, it was dinner time... then bed time... and I wasn't really doing anything of any consequence. Sure I was raising a beautiful family. And I had a beautiful home. And let's not forget my beautiful garden. But I still felt like I was missing a major piece of the puzzle. I spent hours trying to figure out what to do with my life beyond raising my Sugar Babies and pruning my roses, of course. I took personality tests, career placement tests, and even a Spiritual Gifts test at church.
The Spiritual Gifts test lead to hyper-volunteering...
followed by a minor breakdown...
followed by years of therapy.
When you first go into therapy, you cry. A lot. Everywhere. All the time. But then you start to figure stuff out and have no choice but to fix what's broken or go back to the crappy existence that got you on the couch in the first place. You know what happens when you start to fix things in therapy? People around you don't like it. They would really prefer that you stay with them in the muck. It makes them so uncomfortable. And I was a text book co-dependent people-pleaser. So I went back and forth between being pissed at myself and being pissed at everyone else. Why couldn't I just be happy being a pilot's wife and the mother of four beautiful children and a great hostess and volunteer? I didn't know why, but I wasn't.
But now... I completely understand.
All that time, I was going through a bit of a hurricane in life. In the behavioral studies classes that I mentioned recently, that time is called "The Interval" which takes place between the ages of 34 to 43. At 38 and 39, you're in "the eye of the storm." And then at 40, you step back into the storm, armed with all that you've learned and a couple of years of ruminating under your belt. So apparently, I wasn't as special or different (or crazy) as I thought I was.
I was just on time.
A couple of weeks ago, I showed up to the behavioral classes knowing that it was exactly where I needed to be. Once my hours of training began, it dawned on me that this was the missing piece that would complete the puzzle of the personal and professional goals I have been dreaming of for the last few years. In fact, I became quite emotional several times in my nightly classes, partly from excitement, and conversely from better understanding some people in my life. One night in particular, I found myself holding back the ugly cries because it had finally sunk in that certain relationships in my life would never be what I wanted them to be, no matter how hard I wished them to be good and whole... and that I couldn't participate in those any longer. But maybe I could help others in their own life situations.
Now comes the time that I'm stepping back out into the storm.
I turn 40 in mere weeks and it thrills me to the core just writing that! The "storm" won't be anything I can't handle because the last few years have prepared me for this moment and all the moments to come. It will be a little chaotic getting everything lined up just so, but once I get started... watch out!! The results of my personal test (that I took a year ago) have been my operating manual to living my optimal life. It's called the Ultimate Life Tool and I haven't been the same since. Although my actions have raised some eyebrows and pissed off some people in my life, I've given myself permission to be me... to be authentic. That's not so easy to do in this world. When you allow yourself to be yourself, life turns upside down a bit and people get uncomfortable. On the other hand, amazing things start to happen. Great people come up alongside and opportunities you never dreamed of show up in your life.
And even with all the chaos, this has been an amazing year!
A few people have already taken the test and have been impressed with their own results. Before reviewing with them, I told them that they'd likely be nodding the whole time. They thought I was some kind of psychic reading tea leaves or chicken bones on my end, but really, their answers were with them all along. They just needed someone to show them that they had gone away from their path and they needed someone to give them the information (and maybe even permission) to be themselves, regardless of the raised eyebrows in their lives.
THAT gives me energy.
THAT makes me happy.
THAT is my purpose.
Want to understand yourself better? Want to know what gives you energy and avoid those things (and people) that drain you? Check out the Ultimate Life Tool. Click "Take the Test" then enter the code CMYOU. You have the option to get your results emailed directly to you or to have me call you and sprinkle a little sugar on it.