Confession: I Don't Have a Life List

I don't have a Life List. I had a 40 x 40 list once. I think I created it a few months before my 40th birthday. And it wasn't really even a 40 x 40. It was more like a 30 x 40 list. I'm still not sure what made me put some of the to-do's on that list. I felt like I had to come up with 40 things, and it's not that I don't have a million things in my head that I want to do some day, but when it came down to writing up 40 actually things, I couldn't.

I used to do a Five Year Plan. I usually lost the sheet of paper I had written it on in some random move that was not in my Five Year Plan. I started to think that I was jinxing myself, so I stopped making plans so far out. I was happy with six months out. Even that seemed too risky of a test of fate, but I needed to be able to answer questions from well-meaning friends and family.

Note: "Well-meaning" is code for "Nosy" and "Controlling".

No, I don't have a list. And if I did, I wouldn't call it a Bucket List. Bucket seems doomed from the start. If I had a list, it would definitely be called a Life List. But then again... that doesn't really say ACTION, does it? Hmmm... Maybe I should create a LIVE list.

Why all this talk of lists? Because amazing things just keep happening to me and people keep asking, "Is that on your Bucket List?" And I want to tell them that A) I think "Bucket List" is too depressing, B) stop quoting movies, and C) although I've always thought about doing that thing, I never got around to listing it anywhere.

I'm not a list person. I'm more of a sticky person. I write things on stickies and when they get done, I crumple up the sticky. Sometimes, I just write stuff on a sheet of paper and then lose it. Other times, I write those things down in a pretty new journal that I fill up and put away and forget where I put it, and so, forget about the thing that I wanted to do. That's not a very efficient way to track dreams, is it?

But here's the thing... and this goes back to the 40 x 40 list... sometimes, I change my mind!

So what if I create this super cool amazing Life List and then a year goes by and I look at it and think, Well, I don't really want to do that now. I'll have this moral argument with myself about why I shouldn't be a quitter. Part of me is yelling, You can't quit! Then another voice in my head will say, You're not a quitter, you've just matured and you now know you don't need to do that. To which the original voice will reply, Spoken like a true quitter.

Uggg... I'm getting a headache.

But then the quiet little voice in the corner says, But if you don't write it down or say it out loud, it won't happen.

She's right. I should create that list.

Now where did I put my stickies...