Monkey in My Head

My friend Deb has this cool thing she does every week called PROMPTuesday. The rules are that it has to be written in ten minutes and has to be 150 words or less. This week, the prompt is about Monkeys. Not the cute fuzzy kind we picture as kids and not the kind at the zoo that you shouldn't keep as pets because they'll rip you to shreds. No, these are the kind that live on your back. The ones that either spur you on or bog you down. I may have cheated on the timing as I've been thinking about this since yesterday, but here goes:

The Monkey on my back isn't there. He's in my head. If he was on my back, I could probably whip my arm around and pull him off. But in my head he hides. Or she hides. I suppose it could be a she. Anyway... This monkey is my awful and paralyzing self-doubt. Even though it hides in my head, that Monkey of self doubt is very real. So real that you are reading this post rather than the list of 40 things that I'll be accomplishing before my 40th birthday in May. It was even hard to type "I'll be accomplishing." I was going to say "I'd like to accomplish." Very different, isn't it? So there's my monkey. All rabid and mean. I better get rid of him (or her) before he tears my face off... and screws up my 40 x 40 list of fun.

So what's your Monkey? Hope you head over to Deb's and share!

As for my monkey, tomorrow is a step in kicking her (okay, it's a girl) out of my head. I'm publishing the 40 x 40 list. I have about 20 weeks to get to them all before my birthday bash in May (which might be in Vegas, so stay tuned for details!!). I can't believe how excited I am about turning 40. The sixteen year old in me is laughing. Maybe because she still thinks we're sixteen. I guess, in some ways, we are. Some of the items on the list will reflect that. 

I know the giggles in my heart still do.