It's been a long couple of months. When you're into soul searching and being right with your purpose, there's a lot of inward naval gazing involved. Coming back out of that pose is not that easy. Alas, I have come up and out. Here are some of the things I pondered and came to conclusions on. I am not a Democrat. I was once. But then I got a bonus check. Or rather, half of it. I had really been counting on at least 80% of it, but I had just stepped into an unfamiliar tax bracket and was suddenly understanding of the arguments that never made sense to me. Then I lost that high paying executive job and found myself seeking assistance. It was what I grew up knowing... that if anything went wrong, the government would help you out. What I was never told is the price you pay. The things the government asked me to give up in order to feed my family didn't make any sense to me. So, swallowing my executive pride, I took a job folding clothes at midnight during the holiday season. Eventually, things got better.
That's when I began rethinking my ideology.
I am also not a Republican. I thought I might be, but I'm not. I do lean right, just not in the Grand Ol' Party kind of way.
I know that when I say that I am not a Democrat, I am probably instantly labeled as a hater. And, possibly, a traitor to the women of the world. I also know that when I tell my conservative friends that I'm not a Republican, they wonder what our conversations about conservative fiscal policies have been about.
I believe in the Constitution, limited government, less. I also believe in freedom to do what you want in this world within a few boundaries of safety. Wanna smoke pot? Toke away. Wanna gay marry? Have at it. Pregnant and want to terminate the pregnancy? As sad as that makes me, I believe it's your right to make that decision. Wanna drive drunk on the wrong side of the road? You're ass belongs in jail.
If I have to label myself, I'd call myself a Libertarian. Not one of the X-Files Libertarians, though, so don't go hanging a tinfoil hat on me.
The election didn't go as I had hoped. I still think there were some shenanigans, and I have to believe that anyone with eyes, regardless of party affiliation, is smart enough to see them, too. They just choose not to because their guy won. I get it. I'd probably turn a blind eye if the shoe was on the other foot. But it's not. My guy didn't win and there's nothing I can do about this other guy still being in power. Then, the realist popped up and asked, What would your guy have been able to do in an environment like this, anyway?
Obviously, we won't get to find out. But the question has me thinking, what exactly would my ideal landscape for this country be? I have my answers, but I'm feeling a little defensive still, so I'm not going to share much. I'm kinda done being attacked for my political beliefs. What I will say is that nothing that was ideal in my mind really fit into one party. Some things were right, some were left, and others were kinda...
Yesterday, I took a break from pondering the fate of our country and went to a local women's networking group to see if I could drum up some business. A girl's gotta eat, right?
The networking group is run by a woman who channels spirits for a living, so the guests include many practitioners of unconventional businesses. She had a guest come in yesterday that put us into a meditative state using musical instruments. The vibrations of the drums, didgeridoo, and gong pulsed through my inner being. He guided us through with healing images and words. I can't really remember what all he said.
But I do remember what I experienced.
In my meditative state, I envisioned a world. In this world there was a wire mesh high above the ground. It wasn't dangerous or healing. It just was. In my mind, this was masculine energy. In this mesh of masculine energy were laws and boundaries and borders and rules. All the governing bodies of the world. All the roads and road signs. There was no sense of good or bad. Below that was feminine energy, a soft mist floating above the grasses and oceans and hills. It was not submitting to the masculine energy. It was living in its space. And in this space, life grows, hurts heal, water flows. I saw the mist and felt a knowing. This is the space I need to be in. The space above is Law and Order and we need that. But we also need the healing and nurturing that the Divine Feminine creates.
And now that I've said "Divine Feminine" and talked about energy, my Christian friends have probably started praying for me.
Told you this was going to be pretty woo woo.
So that was my experience. I feel centered, for the most part. I'm still going to call people on their bullshit, because that's the warrior in me. But I'm going to watch out for that toxic energy that so entangled me into months of stress. Stress that I can still feel in our world. All that stress does is make us lose sight of the energy that brings life to the world.