Mama Needs a Microchip

Okay... I'm hitting a wall. It's the wall I've heard of before. The wall that is splashed with graffiti (not the really cool mural type graffiti, but just that uninspired tagging type graffiti with block letters in black marker) that says, "You can't have it all!"

When I start to feel sorry for myself for not having everything, I have to step back and review what I do have. I have a little cottage near the beach. I get to work from home or a coffee shop or on the road or wherever I can get wi-fi. I have a crazy but wonderful family. And because of my big mouth and my understanding of social media, I now have a budding consulting business.

What more could I want?

I want to still be able to get in and read all my favorite blogs. I want to stay up all night on Twitter having long discussions about the awesomeness of merlot and chocolate chip cookie dough without feeling exhausted the next morning. I want to be able to do my client's work and my fun and spend lots of time with my kids and husband.

I want to be able to type and run at the same time. I get so many ideas when I'm out for my morning jogs by the beach. But by the time I get back home, my genius ideas (that I'm sure would change the world) are gone with the wind...

I want to find a way to take all the ideas that pop into my head all day long and categorize them quickly before they become mist in the air. Then, I'd like to take those ideas and have a team to present it to that will take my wonderful amazing ideas and implement them. Maybe some minions. Can I have some minions, too?

You know what I really want (other than those minions)? The thing that I think would be awesome... what I really really really want... is a microchip in my brain.

I was watching Transcend Man on Netflix the other night. The documentary is based on the book by futurist Ray Kurzweil, The Singularity is Near: When Humans Transcend Biology. Part of me was watching the movie kind of worried about the long term implications of living forever. I don't know that I'd want to live forever, but some of the things I saw in this documentary were pretty fascinating. Imagine tiny chips floating through your bloodstream monitoring for illnesses. Or being able to move a robotic hand with your mind.

So why can't I have a chip in my brain? One that allows me to take my fleeting genius ideas and put them in a folder with just a few blinks? Or a chip that shuts off my need to sleep and, BONUS, makes me more alert during the day? While we're at it, can I have a chip that makes my body process potato chips and pinot noir as necessary building blocks rather than organisms that add pounds to my ass? That would be nice.

Wouldn't it be great to have chips embedded that make us better at... everything? I know what you're thinking. You're picturing The Terminator and the end of the world and all that, right? Yeah, I thought about that, too. But then I forgot about it. Because I didn't have a chip in my head to put that in a file to think about later.

It would be really great if one of you amazing techie geniuses out there could create the chips I mentioned. I'm submitting myself as a specimen in the experimental process now. If you need me, I'm pretty easy to find. I'm the one walking around with stickies and a pencil... like a caveman with a chizel and a stone slab.