My daughter and I have been having conversations surrounding what we, as individuals, are capable of. We’re having a difference of opinion about a few things, but we both agree on the fact that speaking negativity creates negativity and stops the flow of good stuff.
I’ve come to a place where I don’t believe in the power of an evil being lurking around the corner trying to ruin your day or your life. I think it disempowers us to lay the blame at the foot of a maleficent being. It’s easy to say “the Devil made me do it,” or “Satan wants to steal your joy.” It’s much more difficult to say, “I doubted myself and quit,” or “I was afraid of my own power.”
I know that the embodiment of evil is still something most people believe in and I understand why. Without undoing years of Sunday school or Catechism, I’d like to invite anyone reading this to suspend their beliefs for a minute or two. Maybe longer…
Think back to the last time you were heading toward some measure of success, be it a big win or an incremental goal, when suddenly, everything turned upside down. How did you respond to that? Did you lay it at the foot of the Devil coming in to test you? Or maybe you thought you didn’t appeal to the forces of the Universe fervently enough.
Can I suggest that maybe you got scared of how powerful you really are?
Yes, Sugar, you can.
Okay, there... I suggested it.
There have been times, looking back, that I destroyed opportunities because I didn’t think I deserved what was on the other side of that win. Other times, I walked away because I didn’t think I could handle winning and winning and then losing it all. Better to just never win, I would think. Without looking back through all of my journals, I know that a lot of those times, I probably laid it at the foot of Universal timing or God’s timing instead of the truth:
I chickened out.
Marianne Williamson very famously said, “Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.”
Every time I used God or the Devil or divine timing as an excuse, I knew I was just playing small. There’s no use bailing out a sinking ship if you’re not going to plug the hole that the water is coming in through. I couldn’t positive talk myself into a new direction without first understanding why all the negative talk kept bubbling up. So rather than continue to beat myself up about not stepping into the power I was created with, I set about finding the reasons why I kept defeating myself. That took a long time to figure out. I’m still figuring some more of it out. It’s a process and sometimes overwhelming, but I don’t really like playing small, so it’s worth my time.