There was a moment in the past couple of months that it happened... that the intense weight finally lifted. I've rifled through my mind trying to pinpoint the exact moment that it happened, but I can't. That's because there wasn't one specific moment that a switch clicked. For as long as I've been going through this, you'd think I'd know that it's all just one big process.
But while I can't specify an exact time and place, I do think there was a lot of spiritual healing that happened in Sedona. I had my aura photographed and read on the first morning of our trip. It was amazing to see the outcome of the photo, but what really hit me was what my reading revealed. I won't detail it too much here as it's very personal. I will say that it was a huge reminder of what I was planning to do an entire decade ago.
Ten years ago, I had some plans that I was working on. About a year later, Larry and I got back together and things shifted a little. And then a year after that, they shifted even more. I ended up putting all my eggs back in that same old basket. Nobody made me do it. I willingly shifted gears. I did so out of a feeling of responsibility to our relationship and our family. Unfortunately, that didn't work out and here we are.
I could sit in a pile of my own pity, but the truth is, the lessons learned over the past ten years, as hard as they were, were necessary. There were so many doubts in my head eight years ago when I decided to put those other things on hold. I was still struggling with several relationships, including my marriage, and I was still tiptoeing around some tough subjects, worried about who I might offend. I was already feeling like a failure compared to others in my online space, so pivoting seemed like a nice way to back away and play in another space for a while.
But now I've gone through the necessary fires, and as with metal, fires refine. I feel more confident today about my place and how my experiences are lining up with long dormant intentions. My assignment from the Universe isn't what I thought it was going to be. It's certainly not the same as the things being accomplished by those I was comparing myself to. The things I have authority to speak about aren't all pretty and fun and Instagrammy. And that's okay. They're my stories and I know they are some of your stories, too.
Now that the weight has lifted... now that it doesn't hurt as much to remember... now that the tears are flowing less frequently... now I can begin to weave the experience of it all into my words and answer a few questions with some readiness. I'm ready to get back to those things that I set aside. It's not a big launch or relaunch. It's just "picking back up where we left off."
PS: If you ever get a chance, even if you're not a believer, have your aura read, just for kicks. You never know what you might find out... or be reminded of.